Tomorrow marks one year since we lost you. One year since I got that phone call and collapsed outside in the rain. I still miss you every day. I still cry at the thought that I won’t have the chance to see you again. There are so many words that I failed to speak when you were here, so I pray them every day. You were a source of such brilliant, captivating light. There are days that I am glad for you, and the ceasing of your suffering. There are days that I wish I could join you and even more days that I wish I could bring you back.
We failed you, dear friend. You and I were in it together, leaning hard on the knowledge that we were not alone in this fight. Yet, no matter how many people you have on your side the fight still feels like one against eight-billion. We leaned so hard that I’m pretty sure we both knew one of us would soon break. It was you and I so wish that I could have been there with duct tape to patch you back up. I wasn’t, and all I have to hang on to are the last words I said to you, “La vie est tres effrayant, mais c’est tres belle aussi.” Life is beautiful, friend. Life is so damn beautiful, but its scary as hell.
Maybe, it was your time, but that night I cursed God for letting you go so soon. Its hard to keep touch of reality when all you hear in your head is that voice telling you to cave. I wish we could have kept you from caving. You were and still are so loved. You filled us all with memories and happiness. We are so thankful for that which you gave us. I am so thankful to God for giving me your friendship.
Rest easy dear friend. Stay alive in our memories. Help us to become even half as amazing as you were. I’ll be looking up for the comfort of you smiling down on me.
So much love,